A Bag of Cats
by Myth Queen
Summary: Ever wonder what was going through Loki's mind as Thor was preparing to go back to Asgard? Well, I found a few set pictures of the actors in costume for that scene, and this happened. I'm sorry. Rated for violence. Crackfic, most definitely crackfic.


_Stupid humans_, Loki thought bitterly as Thor, hand on his arm, propelled him forward. The Avengers were all gathering around to see the two gods off back to Asgard. Loki continued his inelegant rant as they walked forward. _Stupid Thor. Stupid planet. Stupid sky. Stupid trees. Stupid tesseract._

Suddenly, Loki ripped his arm away from Thor's grip. Turning on the stupid god of thunder, he wrapped the chain that held him bound around Thor's neck and pulled it taught. The stupid humans drew their stupid weapons and fired at him. The stupid bullets bounced off his flawless skin as Thor pathetically struggled. One of the bullets cracked open the stupid muzzle over Loki's clever mouth. The muzzle fell off and Loki cried triumphantly.

With a final tug, Thor went limp. As he fell to the ground the chain snapped. The humans were easily dispatched. Soon Loki alone stood among the corpses. Romanoff lay on the ground, blood pooling from her wound as she gasped. Her eyes were heartbroken as she gazed at Loki. With a satisfied smile, Loki turned his back in her and walked to where the tesseract lay. He closed the briefcase and stood. He turned back to Romanoff.

"I won after all," he said.

"Please, finish it," she whispered.

Loki was brought out of his vicious thoughts as Thor pushed him to the center of a red brick circle. Loki glanced down at the shackles on his wrists and felt the muzzle clasped over his mouth. He continued looking at the ground as Thor walked over to join Selvig, who was putting the tesseract into a containment container.

As soon as Thor took the tesseract, the clumsy oaf dropped it. The glass container shattered. The tesseract hit the ground. It released a wave of energy, engulfing them all. Loki reeled for a moment, but quickly oriented himself. They had been transported to a dark planet with huge, black trees surrounding them. The Avengers looked around, confused.

"What happened?" Rodgers demanded.

"I dropped the tesseract and it activated," Thor said.

"You're an idiot!" snapped Stark. "You're a stupid idiot!"

"I am not!" Thor protested. "I'm a smart idiot!"

Suddenly, a giant cat-like creature bounded out of the darkness. It pounced on Thor. Loki ripped the muzzle from his face and snapped the shackles off his wrists. He turned to run, but the sounds of bullets exploding in the air and Thor's tortured screamed made him stop. He wasn't _evil_, after all.

He turned back, charging the cat. Hands flaming with magic, he leapt on the beast. It yowled and writhed. Claws viciously slashed across his back, spurting blood onto the ground, but he didn't even cry out from the tremendous pain. He conjured a dagger and blinded the animal. Then he wrapped his thick, strong arms around the cat's neck until it went limp.

Standing, panting from the battle, Loki turned to the humans. It would be easy to end them. Too easy. They started at him in horror. They knew.

"I am willing to set aside our differences for the sake of mutual survival. I may even be willing to help you find your way back to your home, if you do as I say," offered Loki magnanimously.

"Never!" Barton cried. "Death first!"

And he rushed forward. Loki sighed, preparing to kill the agent. But just then, the cat revived. It swiped at Barton, killing him instantly. Loki conjured a sword and decapitated the animal. The Avengers rushed to their fallen comrade, except Romanoff, who stood motionless, staring at Loki.

"Do you follow, or do you die?" Loki demanded, weary and needing rest.

"My friends, listen to my dying words!"

Loki turned to see the chewed-up, mangled god of thunder still lived. He approached the man, wondering if it was sadness that he was feeling.

"I have been very wrong," Thor wheezed. "Loki was always better suited to be a king than I was. We should not have fought against him. You would do well under his rule, for he is wise and just."

Loki stared down at Thor. The god of thunder reached out on bloody hand, an earnest, desperate expression on his face.

"Loki!" he gasped. "Brother! Forgive me!"

Loki knelt beside Thor and grasped his hand. He looked into those blue eyes, and lied. "I forgive you."

Thor breathed his last breath. Loki dropped the hand. He _was_ sad, he realised. If Thor hadn't been such a pig-headed fool, he would have made a strong, loyal subject. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see that Romanoff had joined him.

"I will follow you," she said in a subdued voice. One by one, the rest of the Avengers agreed to obey Loki's rule in the dark forest.

Loki pulled himself out of his mind, looking up at the brightly lit park. His gaze flickered over to where Romanoff and Barton stood, both looking at him with smug expressions. Barton wore sunglasses to hide his eyes from Loki's gaze. Romanoff leaned over to Barton, whispering something that made him smile. Thor was exchanging farewells with Selvig.

"Hey, where is the tesseract?" Stark asked.

"I thought you had it!" Thor said, panicking.

"Oh no!" Rogers cried, and began running around in circles. The rest of the Avengers soon lined up after him and they all called for the tesseract. Were these the people who beat him? They looked like children. They acted like children. Maybe that was why they had fought against him. They were children who needed guidance. Loki tried to get their attention.

Thor was the first to notice him. He rushed over and grabbed hold of Loki's arms. "Brother!" he exclaimed. "You can help us find the tesseract!"

"Good idea, Thor!" Romanoff gushed. "Loki is so smart, he'll find it in no time!"

Loki glanced an imperious glance at them and raised his hands. Steve ran forward and unlocked the shackles while Natasha ran her fingers through Loki's hair for a moment before taking off the muzzle. Loki stretched his mouth and then glanced imperiously at them again.

"So, you've lost the tesseract, have you?"

The Avengers nodded in unison, looking up at his with eyes full of trust and respect.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not as stupid as all of you, now isn't it?"

The Avengers nodded again. Thor stepped forward.

"Brother, I know that I'm stupid, reckless, arrogant, and father always favoured me over you, even though you are wise, smart, just and would make a terrific, rad, cool king. Please help us find the tesseract, I beg of you!" Thor fell to his knees, clasping his hands together pleadingly.

"I just said I would, but thank you anyways," Loki said, patting Thor's head. Thor beamed. Loki looked at the rest of the Avengers. They eagerly waited for him to speak. He quickly divided them into search groups and sent them on their way. Tony and Bruce found the tesseract under a park bench, and brought it back quickly.

"Wow, you're super smart!" Clint exclaimed to Loki. "I was so lucky that you chose me to use the sceptre on."

"He is super smart, we should make him out king," Steve said.

The Avengers all nodded. Natasha looked at the rest of them for a moment, and then walked up to Loki. She punched him in the face. Everybody gasped in horror.

"That was for killing that person you killed!" she shouted. And then she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "And this is for being the most wonderful, magnificent and awe-inspiring man in the universe!"

And then she kissed him. Loki wasn't sure what to do. Sure, Natasha was beautiful and attractive, but a god couldn't take advantage of flighty, emotionally unstable mortals! That would be rude. So he put his hands on her back and gently pulled himself away from her.

"I am flattered, Natasha, but you must get a handle on yourself," he told her regretfully.

"I plan to," she purred, kissing him again.

"All hail King Loki!" the rest of the Avengers shouted, kneeling before him.

_WHERE HAD THAT COME FROM?_

Loki shook his head to dislodge the rather disturbing daydream. Thor was carrying the tesseract over to the red circle. He held the container up, offering one end to Loki. His expression was grim and perhaps a bit sad. Loki returned his gaze for a moment before glancing down at the tesseract. He grabbed the handle. Thor looked slightly relieved, nodding slightly at his comrades, and then activated the tesseract.

_Good-bye, humans,_ Loki thought mournfully as the blue energy carried them away.


End file.
